Thoughts on Waiting...
Hopefully now that summer school is over, I'll be able to keep my blog updated. I had every intention of posting at least once a week.
This was an exciting week for our adoption agency and all the waiting families. There were several referrals of boys and girls this week. I caught myself trying to count how many families were waiting for referrals, how many received them, and where we could possible be on the "list". I suddenly realized that I was doing all of this in vain. It doesn't matter if we are #1 or #100. Our time will come and it will be the perfect time. For those of you that don't know, we have a lot of experience with waiting. One thing I've learned about waiting for a child...you can accept the dreaded wait and move forward and make the most of everyday or you can whine, whimper, and live in your misery (which is what I did during our first adoption). Either way...your child will come to you at the right time. I will share our story of how I know that with those of you currently in the process of "waiting". Before Zion came home we were in the process to adopt a baby girl from Guatemala. One of the reasons we chose Guatemala was the quick process..ha! We didn't have to wait but for a few short months for a referral of a one week old beautiful baby girl. The long wait came after we saw that precious picture and accepted her into our hearts as OUR DAUGHTER. We were hoping to have her home around 6 months old. We received monthly updates and pictures for the next 16 months! We hit one bump in the road after another. Looking back we know that was God's way of telling us we were not the right family for her. We watched her grow and change through these updates and pictures. It was terribly agonizing and hard. I traveled to Guatemala to visit her when she was 16 months old. I spent a few days with the sweetest most beautiful baby girl that I had ever seen. The hardest thing I have ever done, was walk away from that orphanage empty handed and broken hearted, not knowing if I would ever be back. We were unable to finish this adoption. Even though our hearts still hurt and I think of her daily, God had another plan for my family and for this precious little girl that we loved dearly. If her adoption process would have went according to our plan we would not have Zion today. We would have never started the process for a child from Korea. I can't imagine our lives without him and can't fathom the blessing we would have missed. We went through some hard times, but good things came from it. We have more faith, more patience, more understanding for things beyond our control, and the most amazing 4 year old son!! If the timing would have been different by 1 week, 1 month, or even 1 year, we wouldn't have the son that was meant to be ours. The timing was perfect even if we couldn't see it! I spent those 16 months in misery...trying to do things MY way and take control of something that I had no control over, which made me more miserable.
This time around, I can honestly say that the wait may not be easier, (and I'm sure I'll catch myself whining and complaining a little) but I won't dwell on the time it takes to bring my child home but rather make the most out of the time that it is taking for God to send us the child we are meant to have. I will play a little more with my children, spend more time with my husband, and pray for our future daughter during the next few months as we wait for him to reveal his plan to us. As I've said before the scripture at the top of this blog has been and hopefully will continue to keep me focused.
I don't want to sound like I am preaching, but I know a lot of families that are struggling with waiting and thought this might be of some help to them. It was always helpful to me to know that I was not alone and others could understand what we were experiencing. The ups and downs of adoption can only truly be understood by someone that has been there.
On a lighter note...the boys and I have been spending a lot of time at the pool while Daddy is working. Parker is of course swimming like a fish and Zion is still a little afraid of the water but has been going under a couple of times without crying. I, of course, am just happy to be out of school..now if we can just figure out how Daddy can have summers off also. Oh, BTW if you see Robert tell him that Ella and Emma are beautiful names for a little girl...ha!